Sometimes I am amazed that I managed to get a college education without the benefits of the internet. No, we did not use carrier pigeons and quill pens, However, I come from an era of university education that considered email a novelty toy [note: not the type of "novelty toy" sold in Texas] rather than an educational tool.
Anyway, my point here is, after ten years of working and surfing the internet, I am still amazed at how little I know. For instance, I never knew that Jane Austen has been determined to be a lesbian by American academic
Terry Castle, who claims:
Jane Austen had a lesbian affair with her older sister, Cassandra. It’s obvious, really. There was “the passionate nature of the sibling bond” so evident in the letters. There were her descriptions of women, betraying “a kind of homophilic fascination”. And, of course, there was her fascination with the “underlying eros of the sister-sister bond”. Case closed, I’d say.
But wait! There's more! According to the film "Becoming Jane", to be released in 2007, Jane Austen had a physical love affair with an Irishman named Tom Lefroy. OMG! Jane Austen had sex!
So what's the real story with these authors and screenwriters coming out with these "all-over-the-map" revelations about deceased artists?
Proposing that Jane Austen was a lesbian or Sophocles a cross-dresser,” writes the literary theorist Terry Eagleton, “is one way for those who have nothing especially stunning to say about irony or tragic fate to muscle in on the literary scene. It is rather like being praised as an eminent geographer for finding your way to the bathroom.”
In sum? Losers trying to make a buck by making big claims on a well-known name. Sounds familiar? It should. Britney Spears's first husband, Jason Alexander, and Kevin Federline's ex-girlfriend, Shar Jackson, recently did a paid television interview after the split of the Federlines. The sad part is, that because said losers are making "academic" assertions about literary figures, people actually take their claims for substantial, rather than for the sensational tabloid garbage that it is.
For the record, whomever Ms. Austen prefers in her bedroom is fine with me. Now if you will excuse me, this article has inspired me to sit down and enjoy a bout of Wet!Shirt!Darcy.