Because we had the bit of Who-gasm above, I could not resist sharing this macro.

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I am really not sure whether to laugh or cry at this vintage ad for a chlorine tablet that cleans a woman's vagina. The ad claims that the tablet is "soothing and harmless to the most sensitive tissues" - unlike their competitors that are "poisonous, burning acidic solutions". Being fed stuff like this for centuries, is it any wonder that women in general have bad body images? Click the image below to see the full-sized ad.

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NaughtySister is a huge I Love Lucy fan, so naturally I had to share this when I found it. I guess I never realized Lucy was so kinky.

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Detailed mapquest instructions on how to find the clitoris. Please share with every and all men you encounter.
The clit commander approves.

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I am totally amused by this article featured in a 1938 issue of Popular Mechanics.

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• "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
• "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
• "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
• "You've got something jammed in here real good."
• "You came in that thing?  You're braver than I thought."
• "Sorry about the mess..."
•  "Look at the size of that thing!"
• "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
•  "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
• "Size matters not.  Judge me by my size, do you?"
• "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
• "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
•  "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
• "There is good in him, I've felt it."
• "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!"

And for your viewing pleasure, I present to you the hottest scruffy nerfherder in history.

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In celebration of May Masturbation Month, I wanted to point you to a hysterical list I found on LiveJournal: The Top Ten Movie Masturbation Moments. Click the image below to view the entire list.

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Interesting and humorous article by a woman who describes and incident where her and her partner consider bringing another person into their bedroom.

It was a fascinating discussion and we were having a blast discovering our own and each other's limits. I highly recommend it as an exercise for any couple. It also turned out to be great foreplay for some good old-fashioned twosome sex.

It was a fun little experiment, even though we didn't go all the way. Maybe next time. Though we might try another route, like a good old-fashioned bar pickup, or maybe we'll save up and hire someone. Less chance things will get personal.

But that was what was most cool about the whole experience. It made us realize the strength of our own bond. Sure, if and when we actually realize this fantasy, jealousy might be an issue. You can't know for sure. But we both really dug the feeling of knowing that, no matter what happened, sex with a third party, as long as we were both present, of course, wouldn't threaten what we have.

Read the entire column here.

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I knew it. They never fooled me - lounging around in their tights and little colored knickers. Sharing a cave for 50+ years. They were almost as transparent as Bert and Ernie. But now finally, I have proof of the truth:

Batman and Robin are kinky. I knew there was a reason they were living in that cave.

Exhibit #1


Exhibit #2

 

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A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it.

His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time . . . and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year . . . maybe on your anniversary.

The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, 'Fuck You', and I holler back, 'Fuck You' too!

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Is it really true that you can't help blowing your load 57 seconds post initial thrust? I've been told, eh hem, that men can't help it; that when they're about to cum there's nothing they can do and that it's not about their being selfish, but about basic ejaculation physics.

But I call bullshit.

In a recent conversation it was argued that since I don't have a cock I can't possibly argue as to what it is or is not capable of. I kindly informed that cock owner that I'd sure as hell fucked enough of them to know that they don't all cum in a minute. Some actually make it two or even three minutes. But not many.

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Two of my favorite things: cat macros and Doctor Who. Happy May Masturbation month!

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A Bigfoot researcher is taking a giant step for science -- he's studying the sex life of the Sasquatch.

Loren Coleman says there is a lot of information available about the sex lives of various apes, chimps and other primates -- but very little about how Bigfoot knocks boots.

This isn't for lack of reports. Coleman says many eyewitnesses are willing to talk about Bigfoot breasts or penises, but researchers are "too modest" to report the bare facts.

He says there are some amazing reports about Sasquatch sex that need to be studied further, including one person who claims to have seen a Bigfoot having sex with a cow.

Even stranger: Coleman says there have been at least few cases of adult men who were kidnapped by male creatures and forced to impregnate female Bigfoot creatures.

He discusses sex and the single Sasquatch in an upcoming book, "Bigfoot! The True Story Of Apes In America" (Paraview Pocket Books). (Source)

And here I thought running a porn-zine for women was a dumb hobby. Silly rabbit I am.

 

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Men and women will go to great lengths to give themselves sexual satisfaction. Sometimes the results are not what was hoped for. One book mentions the case of a man who tried to masturbate by putting his penis into the sucking end of a vacuum-cleaner. The result was that all the skin was sucked off the penis. This method of masturbation "is not therefore recommended." P. Mantegazza has instanced the case of a penis caught in a bayonet tube and in the bath tub faucet. Many similar such cases are known to doctors and diligent researchers. (Source)

I actually found a picture of some [unfortunate] guy with his penis caught in a vacuum hose, but I decided it was just too weird to post [and it gave me phantom penis pain just to view it - I think that says volumes considering I don't even have a penis]. Hence I give you everyone's favorite Caveman instead.

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File this under "Funny Shit". Another zinger from "How Not To Get Laid":

It had been a LONG time for me since I’d last been with a guy and certain body parts were going to go on strike if I didn’t get some action soon. Enter Charlie. I met him at the gym (which was probably my big mistake right there, but anyway…). He had kind of a young Val Kilmer thing going on and he was a lawyer and smelled real nice (even at the gym), so, yeah, I was VERY excited when he asked me out.

We met at a French restaurant and he arrived looking and smelling even better than normal. We sit down and we’d barely started reading the menu when he lays this one on me:

“You should know, if I act at all funny tonight, this is my first date since my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a pretty emotional breakup.”

Uh, okay…

“No problem,” I say, ignoring the warning bells in my head.

Click here to read the entire hysterical account of this date. 

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Soranus (A.D. 98-138) was a Greek physician who studied in Alexandria and later practised in Rome under Hadrian. He found enough time to write forty books or so. In his "Gynaecology" he suggests"...that a woman ought, in the moment during coitus when the man ejaculates his sperm, to hold her breath, draw her body back a little so that the semen cannot penetrate into the os uteri, then immediately get up and sit down with bent knees, and in this position, provoke sneezes" (quoted by S. Green, "The Curious History".) Thus, it is hoped, she will avoid conception. (Source)

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Click thumbnail below to see the full-sized vintage vibrator ad.

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I don't know why I find cat macros to be funny: I will be the first to admit they are usually very crude and childish. But every so often I find one that makes me crack up and I like to share giggles.

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Boys,
Here are some things for you to consider before you decide, like my ex-boyfriend did, to show up at your girlfriend’s doorstep on Valentine’s Day wearing nothing but a strategically placed heart shaped box of chocolates.

1. Don’t do this unless you happen to look really good naked. Most guys don’t. If you have to ask, you probably don’t either.

2. Remember that it’s February, and that means cold temperatures. Are you a pasty-faced white boy? Does your skin get bright pink in the snow? Do you think this makes you look sexier? Please see my first point.

3. Again, February. Is your girlfriend really gonna want to defrost you by pressing her nice warm body against your ice cold skin? Is that a Valentine’s treat for her? Not so much.

4. Yeah, still on February. Shrinkage, boys. Shrinkage. Not so hot.

And finally . . .

5. If #1-4 are not enough to dissuade you from this plan, please make sure you are 100% certain that your girlfriend is alone in her home before you trot your naked ass over there. In particular, I would make sure that her two older brothers have not just stopped by to say hello, as this could be unbelievably embarrassing for both of you and might just kill your relationship on the spot.

 

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Male lizards and snakes have to make a choice when they mate: which penis should they use? They have two. One is connected to their right testis, and one to their left. Now two biologists from the US have found that some lizards alternate their penises as each is depleted of sperm. In this way, they maximise their chance of fertilising a female.  (Source)

So there you are. Now you have a bit of useless knowledge with which to impress people at your next cocktail party.

 

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Yes, it's a sex doll for dogs. It's shaped like a dog and it'll allow your tension-filled pet to go to town as much as his little heart desires, humping away until he passes out in exhaustion, leaving a wispy coil of friction-singed dog-fur smoke wafting into the air.  (Source)

Does anyone else think this thing kinda resembles the Cingular logo?

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And just when you thought you had seen every iPod accessory known to man, I present to you the OhMiBod iPod vibrator attachment. Just hook the OhMiBod up to your iPod and get off to your favorite music. No, I am not kidding. The site even sells arm band accessories as well as a plastic penis sheath for the vibrator. Click the image to visit the site and see the [trainwreck] product for yourself.

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So I am doing my using cruising around the net yesterday and I stumble across the strangest thing: Barbie Porn. Naturally, being the [sick and twisted] curious chick that I am, I clicked the link and saw this:

 

Come to find out, Barbie Porn has been around for quite awhile. A quick google and I found Ken, Barbie, and all her girlfriends having a good ole' time in every way I could possibly imagine (and several ways I couldn't).

I have to give this site an honorable mention, as the photographer went through the trouble of blurring out the Barbie Naughty Bits. I found that absolutely hysterical since, as we all know, Barbie and Ken dolls do not have naughty bits.

This just perfectly illustrates why I love the internet: you can conjure up the most twisted idea your grey matter can muster, google it, and I promise that someone else has thought of it first.  It is a wonderful way to let yourself know that you are not alone in your weirdness.

So I last night, over grocery shopping (which made for some interesting mental pictures, as I recently ran across a site that features women pleasuring themselves with produce), I mention Barbie porn to NaughtyBoyfriend, expecting him to laugh. He shrugs and says, "Oh, I've seen that before. Barbie porn is old news.".  

Things like that make me wonder.

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So he lies down on his back beside me and I climb on top of him, straddling him. He laughs at how easily I was turned on but indicates that he's not particularly dying for it himself. So I raise an eyebrow and proceed to kiss him, kiss his neck, all the while gently rubbing myself against his package, and then I lean down and whisper in his ear:

"We are the Borg! Resistance is futile!"

He made a squished up face and rolled his eyes, but somehow I was unable to stop -- We made out for a while and then I found myself whispering, "I want your deep space nine!"
And then when he went to pleasure me: "Make it so!"

I'm pretty sure I even asked him to "Remove his cloaking device" when he was still wearing boxers...

In the end, I was laughing my ass off and he was taking it with good humor (he knows I'm a big big geek), but after my last remark he was like "OK seriously, NO MAN FINDS PICARD THAT SEXY!!"

 

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No, not like the children's game. I mean literally: condoms that play music.

Different lovemaking positions determine what tune is played by the condom, which also works like a normal contraceptive.The rubber has tiny sensors connected to a mini electronic device that produces the sounds.

"But there is no danger of being electrocuted," the Sun quoted Dr Chausovskiy as saying, who has teamed up with a manufacturer to export the condoms to Britain.

They will cost about 20 per cent more than normal condoms. "But people will pay for the extra stimulation," he added.

Source 

The term "toot my horn" and "I'm playing your song" just took on a whole new meaning. Personally, I am dying to find out what songs are playing in each position. Care to speculate?

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I did not feel okay about the word marriage, for instance, partly because it didn’t describe a legal option for me, and partly because the closer that something quite like it loomed the less it seemed like an attractive condition with which to be afflicted. (This was relatively easy to sidestep, at least in a technical sense: Our invitations promised “a party about love,” and you can’t really argue with that.) I also didn’t feel okay about spending all my free time on the phone with the flower guy and the tent man, or about making little checklists of who was coming, and who was not coming, and who was staying at the Goodstone Inn. And I definitely did not feel okay about telling the sales staff of half the better clothing retailers in New York City that I needed something fetching to wear to my big fat gay wedding.

Now that I know what is involved in throwing such an event, it is difficult to remember exactly how we decided to do so … hard to retrace the steps that led to my standing in front of a three-way mirror in a $3,700 canary-yellow Donna Karan trapeze dress, completely panicked, knowing that soon, very soon, everyone I knew and loved would be joining me for this hell of my own making, this festival of gayness and commitment.

Funny how we are more alike than different, hmmmm? Read the entire article here.

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