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Ever since I started messing around with this website, I have felt an enormous amount of pressure to define my own sexuality and sense of eroticism.

For instance, if you like videos of cunnilingus, you are considered a heterosexual woman. If you find photographs of women erotic, you are bi-sexual or lesbian. If you find photos of alternative, or goth women, to be artistic and erotic, you are "alt" and lesbian. If you find bondage, spanking or domination arousing, then you are defined as one in the BDSM crowd. However, unless you actually practice that lifestyle, then you are called vanilla. And if you female who enjoys male/male fiction you are simply so strange there is no category for you.

Frankly, all of this forced categorization is about to make my brain explode.

I have always been a pretty open person when it comes to sexuality - my own and that of other people. I have always sought out people with different lifestyles and perspectives than my own in order to expand my own outlook. I did not do this to judge, as so many other do when it comes to sexual preferences, I did this to gain understanding and knowledge. To me, who you wanted to sleep with or how you wanted to do it was never really a big deal. And if a person wanted to mix and match different types of sexual practices during their personal journeys of sexual self-discovery, that was fine with me. In fact, I had more respect for folks that were open enough to explore multiple avenues of sexual gratification because it means they are using their brains, not their genitals. Simply put, 31 Flavors exists because people like to mix it up when it comes to ice cream. Why should sexuality be any different?

So as I dive into the world of sexual blogging, I find myself a bit troubled by all of the categorization I find. I feel pressured to conform to one person's definition or another in order to be accepted in this community or that one. I was starting to set up strict rules in my head about what I could or could not post here based on other people's definitions of sexual subgroups and was effectively making myself mad. After several weeks of this, I realize that the cause of my dissonance is that I was allowing someone else define me and what I found erotic. I have never allowed anyone to define anything about me. Why the heck am I allowing internet strangers to dictate what I can and cannot find erotic?

No more. To hell with it. I define me. That means that I can be a heterosexual woman who finds photos of women gorgeous and erotic. I can be a vanilla woman who finds BDSM deliciously naughty. And it is ok to be a woman who finds gay male fiction spicy hot. I am comfortable and secure enough with myself, my sexuality, and my relationship to be able to explore all types of erotic materials without fear, prejudice, or a need to remain in someone else's definitions of what they think I should be. Sexuality is a buffet - I should not be confined to the salad bar because I take the convenient label of vegetarian. It is, and always has been, ok for me to like a little bit of everything - I just temporarily allowed myself to be pressured due to "new kid syndrome". And if my open-minded spectrum of erotica does not fit into other people's neatly defined categories, so be it. Perhaps I can help lead others in a more tolerant and intelligent approach to something about which our society is so rigid.

Erotica can be found everywhere, if one is simply open-minded enough to notice and embrace it without fear or shame. I define me. And I encourage others out there to have the courage to define themselves. It's good out here in the sunlight - come and join me.

Crystal Ball

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